I really can’t get the hang of consistently updating this blog! I get bogged down with everyday stuff and my own hurdles. But anyway, I’ve decided to devote a few precious moments to you, blog.
What have I been up to? Well… I’ve been spending a lot of time having mono, working, being lazy with my beau, contemplating my future and listening to new music. I think I’m finally over the mono part. I’m definitely having some sort of strange senioritis/restlessness right now. I am trying to “figure out what I want to do with my life”. I had hoped to figure this out in college, or in the past two years since college, but seem to be more confused than ever.
I definitely want life to be an adventure. And my biggest fear is regret. I watched Yes Man the other night and while I thought it was a completely contrived and ridiculous movie, the saying “yes” to everything part did seem like it could be life changing. More so in a being open to opportunities way rather than actually saying “yes” to every SINGLE question.
I feel that I have a lot to offer, why do I feel that way? Let’s see. What exactly do I have to offer?
To start with, what qualifies me to be good at anything? Hmm, well, I’m bright, I catch on easily to things, I like learning when it suits me, I like getting to know people and figuring out a way to build a mutually beneficial bond. I am pretty goal oriented. I recently realized that I thrive on completing a task, being recognized for it and moving on. The being recognized part is pretty key, because I guess it rules out a lot of charitable causes that I would like to think I’d want to be involved in.
What do I like to do/ be involved in? I like fashion but feel I have much to learn and desperately wish I knew how to draw or sew what I picture in my mind. I love, love, live for music. I am pretty much turned on by discovering new tunes to groove to and sharing them with my pals. I also love to sing, how could I fuse the two? I’m pretty out of practice and the area in which I live offers few opportunities to showcase my “talent”. I’m not the sing in the corner of a bar while no ones listening kind of gal. Maybe that’s lack of drive/motivation right there that’s holding me back?I like to read and write and have proper grammar. Haha I just spelled grammar “grammer”, ironic. I also love to travel, party, relax, eat good food, take photographs, etc. What twenty-something doesn’t? Sounds like my perfect job just came to me… a singing version of the intolerable Samantha Brown from the travel channel. How the hell did she get that job anyway?
There is another side to me. The side that wants to be sensible and secure. The side that wants to stay on the safe side. I think my problem is that side has been overruling the other sides. That part of me feels guilty for any outrageous thoughts including quitting my job to travel the world, moving back to New Orleans, going back to grad school without knowing the outcome (the taking out of multiple loans). That part enjoys living for cheap with a good friend, getting off work at 5pm and having nothing to worry about til7am the next morning. That part is too thankful for the great health insurance, the bi-weekly paycheck, the dinners out, the ability to buy cute-ish clothes and Target and Forever 21, the in general worry free existence to make a move. In fact, the only real worry that consumes me is worrying about my future, worrying about what it is I really want, worrying about what I’ll do if I fall on my face, desperately trying to figure out what I would fall on my face for. I just want to want something! Is that too much to ask?
I really just want to be a model. Unfortunately, I am 5’2″. Seriously, I need some direction and seem to have a blindfold on.