Messy hair. Glossy lips. Pouts. Maybe a little winged black liner, sunglasses or some lingerie? Whatever it takes. Embrace it.
Be sexy because you just are.
Images from A glamorous little side project, studded hearts, W Magazine and Garance Dore
Tag: Self reflection
Self Control
Ok. I realized today that I am going to be physically on the beach in six weeks and two days. I do not feel nor feel that I look fat. With that said, I know I’d look better -5, -10, even -15lbs. I know I’d feel better, I know my clothes would fit better, I know my boyfriend (who lovingly tells me I look amazing) would agree once it was off.
My mom and I are going to Charleston, SC (one of my fave places) to visit my brother who is in college there. I want to get a tan and get lots of cute pictures and wear my cutest summer items while there, not to mention my mom is looking better than ever above age 55. NOT FAIR. If she asks to borrow my swimsuit, I know that will send me spiraling into anorexia but I’m just not sure I want to wait for that.
Here we all are. I think I’m hiding it pretty well but SUMMER IS COMING!
What can I do in 6ish weeks to lose 10lbs? I know it can be done. Question is…am I willing to do it and what is it that I should do.
Goal:
Will also take:
These jeans were loose and are now quite tight. Too tight to wear.
Wish me luck. I NEED IT.
One of “those” days
Do you ever have one of those days where nothing can pull you out of a strange funk? It’s like nothing is really going wrong but nothing’s really going right either. Even though you have things to look forward to, you can’t see them clearly in your mind. It’s like one of those cheesy Claritin clear commercials where the person can’t see for their allergies? Except it’s not allergies, it’s just the “can’t help it’s” as my mom used to call it.
Today is Tuesday. My office has tinting on the windows, so that people outside can’t see in. You’re supposed to be able to see out, but the tint is so extreme that everything ALWAYS looks gray unless the sun is so bright you’d be blinded if you were out of doors. Some days it bothers me more than others, today is one of those.
So…let’s see, what should I be happy about today? For one, it’s March. March can honestly be as dreadful as February but it’s at least nearing spring. Daylight savings is coming up. That’s always lovely. It feels gorgeous to be sitting outside at 8:30pm and still feel the sun shining on you.
I am looking forward to that and to sundresses. Hope you get out of your funk today. Music always helps.
September is upon us
An update is in order. I have been following fashion week, as much as possible and am already feeling loathsome about the imposing winter months filled with car-warm-up sessions and perpetual black ice inspections. Nevermind all that, for now as we are still on the brink of autumn and there are many football games, bonfire tinged breezes and luscious boots to enjoy.
Having sworn off tanning forever in early August – after synthetic tanning machines were declared quite as cancer causing as cigarette-smoking – I decided to indulge in a spray tan. The result was really more hilarious than pleasant and an innocent photograph with my beau looked more like a foray into black-face. My dear friend, Sara, has described spray tanning experiences as being quite glamorous, with a nice lady setting up a tent in one’s living room and splashing every nook and cranny of one’s birthday suit with delicious bronze-ness. It was not quite so for myself and I’ve decided to try something new.
Spray Tan
I’ve been reading in the magazines/blogs lately that fair is in. Maybe they’re girls, much like me, who have sworn off tanning in favor of aging gracefully or maybe they really believe that a little lack of color looks good? Could it be? I’ve thought since I was just a girl of 15 that pale was equal to an unappealing jaundice-like pallor on skin such as mine. I have made a vow to find out. This winter. It helps if you’re thin…
Although I’m not yet “pale”, I haven’t allowed myself sun-time without at least a slather of spf 15 and I’ve plunged into foreign territory. Less is more? For the past week at work, I’ve worn nothing but tinted moisturizer, concealer and mascara. I must admit, I like it. It’s easy, it’s classic and it’s great when paired with bright lips. No promises on whether or not I’ll stick with the less is more policy, but change is always interesting if not fun.
Frustrations. This is a VERY self-involved post.
So. I just had a birthday, it was nice, a rather uneventful birthday. It got me thinking though, as I do on and off, about what I want to be when I grow up. While I feel like I’m growing in age and hopefully wisdom, I still don’t feel any closer to “living the dream”. Some might consider me to be living the dream already. I am fortunate to have a comfortable job that I’m not afraid of losing (at this point), loads of beautiful and sweet friends and a main squeeze that makes me smile everyday. I have a yearning though! I want to do something meaningful. I want to see big things and be a part of something I am proud of. I want to have fun everyday and not regret anything.
Today is my 4th day of being twentyfour. In 361 days, I want to be doing something else. Here are some brilliant ideas that would make me very happy:
- living in New Orleans, down the street from my bestie – Sara – in an adorable shotgun uptown with a large closet, shopping at langensteins and whole foods and drinking pims cups. My beau would be there too, of course. Maybe I could be on the news there? Follow after my trail-blazing mum and be a local celeb. Or, I could work for the Saints and be their party planner? Or I would work in an art gallery and have an interesting and well-read column in the Times Picayune….
- living in Charleston, Miami, or any beach town, working on my tan and doing something creative (what?).
- Move abroad. Take any sort of good paying job and see the world. How does one go about finding those?
- OR, I could move to Dallas, rent a room from my Aunt for a while and join the junior league. I would become a jewelry buyer for Neiman’s or perhaps a museum curator? or maybe just a roller coaster operator for six flags?
I don’t want to be stuck in Fayetteville. I’m still living like a college student with one room to call my own. I rather like it most of the time, I’m not ready to have a mortgage or a marriage. But, as I dive into my mid-twenties, I am craving something more, because, I know I will want that and who knows how soon?
Go back to school? It would have to be something worth the debt…
I’m scared of being someone who had “so much potential” but never lived up to it.
The art of understanding opportunity
I really can’t get the hang of consistently updating this blog! I get bogged down with everyday stuff and my own hurdles. But anyway, I’ve decided to devote a few precious moments to you, blog.
What have I been up to? Well… I’ve been spending a lot of time having mono, working, being lazy with my beau, contemplating my future and listening to new music. I think I’m finally over the mono part. I’m definitely having some sort of strange senioritis/restlessness right now. I am trying to “figure out what I want to do with my life”. I had hoped to figure this out in college, or in the past two years since college, but seem to be more confused than ever.
I definitely want life to be an adventure. And my biggest fear is regret. I watched Yes Man the other night and while I thought it was a completely contrived and ridiculous movie, the saying “yes” to everything part did seem like it could be life changing. More so in a being open to opportunities way rather than actually saying “yes” to every SINGLE question.
I feel that I have a lot to offer, why do I feel that way? Let’s see. What exactly do I have to offer?
To start with, what qualifies me to be good at anything? Hmm, well, I’m bright, I catch on easily to things, I like learning when it suits me, I like getting to know people and figuring out a way to build a mutually beneficial bond. I am pretty goal oriented. I recently realized that I thrive on completing a task, being recognized for it and moving on. The being recognized part is pretty key, because I guess it rules out a lot of charitable causes that I would like to think I’d want to be involved in.
What do I like to do/ be involved in? I like fashion but feel I have much to learn and desperately wish I knew how to draw or sew what I picture in my mind. I love, love, live for music. I am pretty much turned on by discovering new tunes to groove to and sharing them with my pals. I also love to sing, how could I fuse the two? I’m pretty out of practice and the area in which I live offers few opportunities to showcase my “talent”. I’m not the sing in the corner of a bar while no ones listening kind of gal. Maybe that’s lack of drive/motivation right there that’s holding me back?I like to read and write and have proper grammar. Haha I just spelled grammar “grammer”, ironic. I also love to travel, party, relax, eat good food, take photographs, etc. What twenty-something doesn’t? Sounds like my perfect job just came to me… a singing version of the intolerable Samantha Brown from the travel channel. How the hell did she get that job anyway?
There is another side to me. The side that wants to be sensible and secure. The side that wants to stay on the safe side. I think my problem is that side has been overruling the other sides. That part of me feels guilty for any outrageous thoughts including quitting my job to travel the world, moving back to New Orleans, going back to grad school without knowing the outcome (the taking out of multiple loans). That part enjoys living for cheap with a good friend, getting off work at 5pm and having nothing to worry about til7am the next morning. That part is too thankful for the great health insurance, the bi-weekly paycheck, the dinners out, the ability to buy cute-ish clothes and Target and Forever 21, the in general worry free existence to make a move. In fact, the only real worry that consumes me is worrying about my future, worrying about what it is I really want, worrying about what I’ll do if I fall on my face, desperately trying to figure out what I would fall on my face for. I just want to want something! Is that too much to ask?
I really just want to be a model. Unfortunately, I am 5’2″. Seriously, I need some direction and seem to have a blindfold on.
Three – Inspired by Angela
THREE NAMES I GO BY:
Payton, Pay, Petie
THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE:
Fazoli’s drive thru girl
Waitress
Receptionist
THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
Little Rock
New Orleans
Fayetteville
THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH:
Lost
The Office
South Park
THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN:
Rome, Italy
Nice, France
Victoria Island, Canada
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO:
(Everywhere)
Greece
Isreal
India
THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:
Pizza
Steak
Cheese, I’m a real health nut
THREE THINGS YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO:
Summer!
Jazz Fest
Seeing friends that live far away
THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED:
Marshmellow, the Hampster
Archibald, the weiner
And of course wiggles!
THREE THINGS YOU REGRET NOT LEARNING TO DO:
Learning to sew
Learning to play the piano
Learning to play a sport
THREE FAVORITE BANDS/ ARTISTS:
(so hard to just choose 3)
Radiohead
The Beatles
Muse
THREE FAVORITE TEAMS TO WATCH:
Arkansas Razorbacks
New Orleans Saints
Can I pick just two?
THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
Coke
Champagne
Sweet Tea
THREE THINGS THAT GROSS YOU OUT:
Dirty ears
Bad hygiene
Blood
THREE THINGS THAT BRING YOU GREAT JOY:
My friends and family
Singing
Beautiful days
The Window Shopper 